


The Wizard, The Witch and The Warrior

by Sniphles2000



Category: RWBY
Genre: Comedy, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-29
Updated: 2016-04-29
Packaged: 2018-06-05 06:08:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6692671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sniphles2000/pseuds/Sniphles2000
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Pyrrha wakes up in a strange land, she is shocked (and pretty confused) about the situation she has been roped into...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Enter Limbo

"NO!" Pyrrha screamed! She looked around and to her surprise was in some sort of wasteland. She was on her knees in the same position she was when Cinder 'killed' her. She quickly looked down at her chest to see that there was no arrow or even a wound! The same went for her ankle. She stood up and looked around some more. There was concrete everywhere. "What is this place?" Pyrrha said to herself as she walked forward. She noticed a stone staircase and cautiously walked up it. There were strange crystals emitting from the sides of this staircase and there was a smokey smell to the area. When Pyrrha reached the top of the stairs she was shocked! She was at the top of a cliff and before her was a wasteland. There were more even larger crystals everywhere, large chunks of ground protruding from the earth and red mist everywhere. Pyrrha was now very scared and was trembling.

"It's beautiful isn't it?" a voice said from behind Pyrrha.

Pyrrha jumped a this voice broke the silence. She turned around to see a tall, deathly white woman wearing mostly black. Her white hair was in a bun and there were strange, black veins on her face. "Who are you?!" Pyrrha screamed. "How did I get here!?"

"It's alright." The woman said calmly. "You're safe now." The woman slowly walked towards Pyrrha who was now between her and the cliff's edge.

"Answer me!" Pyrrha shouted with nowhere to go.

The woman stopped. "You are in my world, Pyrrha Nikos." she said with a straight face.

Pyrrha was now very confused. "How do you know my name?"

"I know everything here, Pyrr-"

"I told her your name." A familiar voice caught Pyrrha's attention. The figure who said this appeared from behind the strange woman. It was Ozpin! He was holding a mug which had a chip on the top of it. The woman rolled her eyes.

"Professor Ozpin!" Pyrrha said with relief in her voice. She ran over to him past the woman. "Where are we!? How did I get here!? What are you d-"

"I'll explain everything to you in a few moments, Miss Nikos." Ozpin said as he took a sip from his mug. "But first I'd I need to introduce you to a long acquaintance of mine." Ozpin brought Pyrrha and the woman in front of each other."Pyrrha meet Salem. Salem, this is the young woman I have told you about."

Salem had a confused look on her face. "THIS is the girl you deemed worthy of the Fall Maiden status?! You really have gone senile in your old age, Ozpin!"

Pyrrha was somewhat offended by what she was hearing. "Excuse me, Salem, but I'll have you know I am one of the highest ranking students in all of Remnant!" She exclaimed proudly.

"A title of little worth. I'm surprised you weren't axed off sooner…" Salem said with a smug look.

"How dare you-"

"Now, now ladies. Please. Let's at least keep things civil between the three of us. If we're going to be here for a while then we might as well try to get through it without killing each other." Ozpin said as he sat down on a rock.

"Like she'd be able to even hurt me…" Salem muttered.

Pyrrha ignored the snide comment. "What do you mean "We're going to be here for a while"!?" Pyrrha said through her teeth.

"Pyrrha… What was the last thing you remember before waking up here?" Ozpin asked.

"Well… I was fighting Cinder when she shot me through the leg. She then shot me through the chest with an arrow and then everything went white." Pyrrha said as she reflected on the fight.

"Weak." Salem said looking off into the distance.

"What is your problem!?" Pyrrha snapped at Salem.

"Ignore her. She's always been like this. A miserable old witch." Ozpin said smirking.

"You dare to call me names, Ozpin!?" Salem shouted as she stormed towards Ozpin.

"I was merely stating facts. And the fact is you are a miserable witch." Ozpin said with an even larger smirk.

Salem's face was turning redder than Pyrrha's hair. "I swear when this is over I will enjoy every second of watching you burn!"

Pyrrha was confused at what she was seeing. "Would you two like a few minutes or…"

"NO!" The both of them shouted.

"Then will someone PLEASE tell me what is going on!?" Pyrrha begged.

"When people die, their souls disintegrate into thin air. But when you were killed in the tower, Ozpin insisted that I transported your soul here." Salem said walking away from Ozpin. "Welcome to Limbo."

"Oh." Pyrrha was having trouble taking this all in. "Why me? Why did you not let me die like everyone else?"

"Because…" Ozpin stood up. "You are special, Pyrrha. You are a great warrior. You could have been the fall maiden and there is a possibility you still can be."

"How?" Pyrrha asked.

Ozpin paused. "All in good time, Miss Nikos. All in good time."

"Typical. Always so 'vague' and 'mysterious' about everything. Makes me sick!" Salem exclaimed.

"Oh hush! You're no better. Standing there looking like a Sci-Fi character." Ozpin said sounding annoyed.

Salem growled under her breath.

"So… Now what?"

"We wait for your friends to arrive. It has been a whole season since you 'died'. They are going on their own adventure." Ozpin said.

"And when they do they shall be crushed by my power!" Salem exclaimed.

Ozpin sighed. "We agreed that we would wait for them to get here for "a fair fight" in Salem's words."

"Even then, you will all share the same fate. And your world will crumble by my hands." Salem said with an evil smile.

Pyrrha was now very worried. "H-how long will it take for them to get here?" Pyrrha asked with a stutter in her voice.

"Honestly? I don't know. A few days, a few weeks, a few months… It could even be years before they find us!"

"Then how do you know they even WILL find us!?" Pyrrha said looking annoyed at Ozpin.

"They will." Ozpin said smugly. "They're smart students. They'll find the clues and hints."

"So now what, genius? We're just going to sit here in silence?" Salem asked teasingly.

"If there's one thing I've learned in my long life, it's that you should always come prepared for anything." Ozpin smirked as he pulled the handle on his mug like a lever. Suddenly the bottom of the mug extended and expanded until it was the shape of a large briefcase.

"Whoa." Pyrrha said under her breath in shock.

Ozpin placed the case on the rock he was sitting on and opened it. Inside there were dozens of board and card games. "See?"

Pyrrha and Salem both looked at each other and groaned.

"They can't get here soon enough…" Salem moaned as she pulled a Jenga box from the case.

And so the adventures of our 3 main heroes begin...


	2. Jenga

"I can't believe I'm lowering myself to take part in such childish activities…" Salem muttered as she set up the Jenga tower.

"Oh come now, Salem. It's all in good fun. Besides, have you got anything better to do in this wasteland you call home?" Ozpin asked.

"…No…" Salem said begrudgingly.

"Then stop complaining and finish the tower. You still have 5 layers to go! Post haste!" Ozpin said smugly.

Salem growled under her breath.

Pyrrha watched on as the two bickered with eachother. "Um… Professor?"

"Yes Pyrrha?"

"You still haven't told me why we're here. Why you saved my life." Pyrrha said hesitantly.

Ozpin sighed. "After you and Jaune left the vault I tried to keep Cinder at bay for as long as I could. I was doing very well too!"

"Then what happened?" Pyrrha asked.

Ozpin glared at Salem who had now finished the Jenga tower. "THAT happened." Ozpin said as he 'accidently' moved his foot into the tower, knocking it over.

"Oh you arrogant son of a b-" Salem shouted before being cut off by Ozpin.

"Uh uh uh! Tower. Now." Ozpin said softly.

"I should have killed you when I had the chance…" Salem muttered as she started building the tower again.

"Anyway." Ozpin said as he looked back towards Pyrrha. "I was about to defeat Miss Fall until her boss over here jumped in and saved her. She dragged me here and now I'm stuck without my cane."

"But why did you drag me along with you? I have no weapons or Maiden powers!" Pyrrha said shakily.

"Do you want the honest truth?" Ozpin asked as he stared Pyrrha dead in the eye.

"Yes." Pyrrha said.

"Fine… The truth is… I can't stand being stuck in the same place with HER for more than ten minutes. I needed more company." Ozpin said.

"WHAT!?" Pyrrha and Salem shouted at the same time.

"Oh look the tower is up! Let's begin, ladies!" Ozpin said hastily.

Pyrrha was amazed. She never thought a man she saw as wise and powerful as Ozpin could act so childish. "I-I-I…"

"Pyrrha? Jenga?" Ozpin asked with a sincere look on his face.

Pyrrha, having, no other choice, sat down between Salem and Ozpin.

Salem leaned over towards Pyrrha. "He's just full of surprises isn't he?" She said trying to keep a straight face.

As Pyrrha sat at the Jenga tower in the middle of no-where with Ozpin and Salem, her eye twitched. "I'm going to die surrounded by the biggest idiots in Remnant."

"Since it's my game I shall start first." Ozpin said. He pushed out the bottom centre block with ease.

"Pfft. Always taking the easy way out." Salem sneered as she pushed out the centre block in the second row.

Pyrrha sighed in defeat. She pulled out the left block of the fifth row.

"Interessting…" Ozpin said calmly. With a quick flick of his finger, he easily removed the right block on the seventh row which then hit Salem on the knee.

"Really?" Salem asked disapprovingly.

"Yes. Now make a move, witch." Ozpin said smugly.

Salem glared at Ozpin as she removed the very centre block.

Pyrrha never spoke a word. She just removed another block and reflected on her life decisions.

A few minutes had passed and multiple blocks had been removed. The tower was swaying. Ozpin was starting to sweat a little. Salem couldn't care less. Pyrrha was about to start crying.

"Oh goodie. My turn." Salem said as she rolled her eyes. She removed the left block at the very bottom. As soon as she did the tower toppled towards her and the blocks scattered across the ground. "Oh no. It fell. I guess I lose." Salem said sarcastically.

Ozpin jumped up enthusiastically and pointed at Salem. "Ha! Suck it, Salem!" He shouted proudly.

Salem looked at Pyrrha then back at Ozpin. She opened a small portal which sucked all the Jenga pieces into it never to be seen again. She smiled smugly.

"No!" Ozpin shouted with genuine heart break in his voice. "How could you!?"

"My hand slipped."Salem said with a mssive grin on her face.

Ozpin was furious but did his best to keep his cool. "Ok then... What else do we have…" Ozpin said as he walked over to the game filled case. "Pyrrha? Would you like to make a request?"

Pyrrha lightly shook her head as she stared at nothing.

"Your loss. Let's see…" Ozpin rummaged through the case. "Ah! Here you are!" He pulled out a box. "Monopoly anyone?"

Both Salem and Pyrrha's eyes widened.

"You monster!" Salem shouted.

"Oum help us all…" Pyrrha muttered.

How will our trio fare next time against the horror of… Monopoly!?


	3. Monopoly

"We can't play Monopoly, Ozpin!" Salem shouted furiously.

"Why not?" Ozpin asked. "Afraid you'll lose again?"

"No one has ever finished a game of Monopoly." Pyrrha said quietly. "Games either end with everyone quitting or someone getting hurt."

"Well then… I guess we're going to change that." Ozpin said with a grin.

"Oh for the love of dust!" Salem screamed in frustration. She paused for a moment to think. "Fine. But I get to be the dog."

Ozpin twitched. "Salem… I don't think you quite realise this, but I'm always the dog in Monopoly."

Salem smirked. "Well you're going to have to choose a different piece because today, I am the dog."

"Salem. I'm going to tell you one more time nicely. I am the dog." Ozpin said getting angrier.

"No, I am!" Salem snapped.

"I am the dog, you despicable creature!" Ozpin shouted.

"You can be the shoe! I want to be the dog!" Salem shouted even louder than Ozpin.

"I don't want to be the damn shoe! I want to be the dog!" Ozpin screamed.

"You stubborn little-"

"ENOUGH!" Pyrrha shouted cutting off Salem. She stormed towards the open box, picked up the dog piece and threw it over the cliff. "Now no one is going to be the dog!"

Ozpin and Salem both looked at each other then back to Pyrrha.

"We are going to play Monopoly and not have a single argument or so help me I will destroy every last game in that stupid mug-case! Is that clear!?" Pyrrha screamed in rage.

"Yes…" Ozpin and Salem muttered.

Pyrrha pointed at Ozpin. "You dragged me into this mess and I'm going do my best enjoy it! Now both of you sit down and set up the board!"

Ozpin and Salem did as Pyrrha said.

"I'll be the hat." Salem said quietly.

"I'll be the shoe." Ozpin replied.

"And I will be the ship." Pyrrha said as she calmed down.

All three of them set there pieces at the 'Go' square. They were ready to begin.

"Who will play first?" Salem asked.

"We shall go in order of youngest to oldest. Pyrrha 1st, you 2nd and me 3rd." Ozpin said as he recollected himself.

"Ok then! Let's have a fun, civil game of Monopoly." Pyrrha said with a forced smile on her face. She rolled the dice and got a three. "Tukson's book trade. 60 Lien. I'll buy it!" Pyrrha put away 60 Lein and took the 'Tukson's book trade' card.

"This is going to take forever…" Salem said as she rolled the dice. She got a 10. "Just visiting jail. Phew…"

"It's going to be hilariously ironic when you land in there." Ozpin said.

"Oh please! As if I would be foolish enough to end up there." Salem replied.

"Well you-" Ozpin stopped when he noticed Pyrrha glaring at him. "Sorry…"

Salem grinned smugly.

Ozpin rolled the dice and got a 6. "Hei Xiong's Nightclub. 100 Lein. I think I'll leave that for now. I have something else in mind." Ozpin said.

Pyrrha rolled the dice and got a 12 with double sizes. "Hm… Beacon docks. No." She rolled again and got an 8. "I'll buy A Simple Wok!" Pyrrha said as she did so.

"You're getting greedy, Miss Nikos. Be patient." Ozpin warned Pyrrha.

"I share a dorm with Jaune Arc. I know a thing or two about patience." Pyrrha replied.

"Touché." Ozpin said impressed by the witty response.

"Time to bring it back!" Salem exclaimed as she rolled the dice. She rolled a 7. "A community chest! How thrilling." Salem said sarcastically as she picked up a card. "It's your Birthday. Receive 50 Lien from each player." Salem smiled. "You heard the card! Pay the birthday girl!"

Ozpin and Pyrrha both begrudgingly handed over 50 Lien.

"How thoughtful." Salem said as she grinned at Ozpin.

Ozpin growled under his breath. He picked up the dice and rolled a 5. "Signal Academy. Pass."

"You need to buy something eventually!" Salem snapped.

"All part of my plan." Ozpin said.

Pyrrha picked up the dice and rolled a 6. "A community chest! I hope this is good." She picked up the card. "You have won the 2nd place prize in a beauty contest? Receive 20 Lien?" Pyrrha was a little hurt by this. "At least I get money…"

"This is the beginning of the end!" Salem shouted as she rolled the dice. She got double two's. "Hm... I'll buy From Dust 'til Dawn." She did so. Salem then rolled the dice again and got a 9. "GO TO JAIL!?"

It was at this moment that Ozpin burst out laughing. "I would just like to say I called that." He said hrough his laughter.

Pyrrha tried to keep a straight face but couldn't stop herself from giggling.

Salem was not happy about this. Her eyes glowed a bright red as she moved her piece onto the Jail square. "I hope you're happy now." Salem said as she crossed her arms.

"Very." Ozpin replied.

"Just take your stupid turn…" She said not looking at him.

Ozpin rolled the dice and got an 11. "Finally! A chance card!" He picked up the card. "You single-handedly save the city from a Grimm attack. Receive 100 Lien." Ozpin picked up the Lien. "Fear not for you are under my protection!" Ozpin exclaimed proudly.

"Oh bite me." Salem snapped.

Ozpin glared at her.

"Ok then. My turn again…"

Several dozen turns later…

"I can't afford that!" Salem screamed. "I'll go bankrupt!"

"What a shame for you. But I want my money!" Ozpin said sternly.

"Um… Pyrrha? Can you help me out?" Salem asked.

"Let me think…" Pyrrha paused for a second and smiled. "No."

"Oh come on!" Salem begged. "What have I ever done to you!?"

Pyrrha looked at her with a serious face.

Salem sighed. "Forget it. I'm bankrupt! You beat me once again! Now if you'll excuse me, I need a bathroom break." Salem went down the stone stairway.

"Are you ready to fail just like her, Pyrrha?" Ozpin taunted Pyrrha.

"Not just yet, Old man!" Pyrrha replied.

There were houses and hotels all over the board. Both Ozpin and Pyrrha had low amounts of money left. Iit was anybody's game.

Ozpin took a deep breath. He picked up the dice and rolled it. He got an 8. "NO!" Ozpin shouted. He had just landed on The Schnee Dust Company HQ which was owned by Pyrrha who had placed a hotel on it.

"Looks like you owe me 2000 Lien, Professor." Pyrrha said with a smug look on her face.

Ozpin looked at the board then his money. "You've got me. You win."

Pyrrha's face lit up. "Yes! I am the Monopoly chamion!" She shouted.

"See? It can be fun once you get into it." Ozpin said with a smile.

"I see we have a winner." Salem said as she returned. "How does it feel to taste defeat, Ozpin?"

"I've felt worse feelings." Ozpin said with a stutter. As soon as he said this there was a tension in the area.

Salem looked at him. "Yes… Indeed you have." She said while not making eye contact with him.

Pyrrha sensed this tension and tried to break it. "How about a card game?" She suggested.

" A wonderful idea, Miss Nikos!" Ozpin stood up and walked over to his case. "Let's see… Blackjack, Poker, Snap… Ah!" Ozpin pulled out a large box full of cards. "How about this?"

"What is it?" Salem asked.

Ozpin threw the box to her.

Salem caught it and read the label. Her hands started trembling and she dropped the box. She sat down speechless. "Why do you even own that!?" She asked Ozpin in horror.

Pyrrha, who was now very curious after witnessing that, walked over to the box and picked it up. As soon as she read the label her eyes widened. "No… It can't be!" She said with fear in her voice.

The label read… "Cards Against Humanity."


	4. Cards Against Humanity

"It was a gift from Qrow!" Ozpin tried to tell Salem.

"I don't care where or who you got it from!" Salem yelled. "I just want to know why on earth you kept such a horrendous game!"

"Well…" Ozpin paused. For once in his life he had no answer. "Why did I keep it?" He asked himself.

"Ugh!" Salem shouted in anger.

Meanwhile Pyrrha was sitting on a rock watching the two argue again. "Um… How about we stop arguing and just get it over with?" Pyrrha suggested.

"You keep out of this, Nikos!" Salem snapped. "I'm not sure you're even legally allowed to play this game!"

"I don't think anyone is…" Pyrrha said under her breath.

"Since when have you cared about laws!?" Ozpin asked looking surprised.

Salem looked disgusted. "How can you have the nerve to think, for one second, that I would care about your false Remnant laws!?"

"You just… Never mind." Ozpin said in defeat. "Besides, we won't be able to play it properly. We need atleast 4 people."

"Oh thank Oum…" Salem said with a sigh of relief.

"Why don't you just ask your witch friend to pull someone in here? You seem to be quite fond of doing that." Pyrrha said glaring at Ozpin.

Ozpin rolled his eyes. "Let's pick another game th-" He was cut off when he noticed a red light in the corner of his eye. He turned around to see a red portal with a figure emerging from it. The figure had long black hair, red clothing, and a mask.

"Raven Branwen." Ozpin said with a smile. "It's been quite a while."

Pyrrha was quick to stand up and move behind Ozpin.

Raven looked up with a shock. "Professor Ozpin?!" She said as she took her mask off. "How did you-"

"It's fine, Raven. He's a… 'guest' if you like." Salem said reassuring Raven.

Raven looked at Pyrrha who was standing behind Ozpin and Salem. "And this one?"

"Same as him." Salem replied.

Raven squinted at Pyrrha. "Aren't you a friend of my daughter?" she asked.

"I… uh…" Pyrrha looked at Ozpin. "Am I?" she asked looking for help.

"Yang Xiao Long. Long Yellow hair, tall, quite top heav-" Raven was cut off by Pyrrha.

"Yes, yes, yes. I'm friends with Yang." Pyrrha said with nervous smile.

"How is she? Is she still surviving?" Raven asked.

"I think so. She's well-armed with her gauntlets so that should keep her going."

"Right…" Raven said looking bored.

"So this is where you've been all these years? Working for evil?" Ozpin said looking disappointed. "I expected better from you, Raven."

"I don't need your lecture, Ozpin!" Raven snapped. "This is a cause I'm willing to fight for! Unlike your hopeless plan of stopping the Grimm."

Ozpin sighed.

"Why are you here, Raven?" Salem asked. "You're supposed to be out doing-" Salem stopped herself. "That thing I told you to do."

"I'm only passing through. I need a breather anyway. Cinder really went all out with the Grimm!" Raven exclaimed.

"If it's a breather you want, how about a game?" Ozpin asked with a smirk.

Raven was puzzled. "What… 'game' do you speak of?"

"A card game called Cards Against Humanity." Ozpin replied.

Raven's eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. "Ha! That brings back some fun memories…" Raven paused. "Fine. But only for a few games."

"You've got to be kidding me…" Salem muttered.

"I think we'll only be able to handle 'a few'!" Pyrrha said nervously.

Everyone sat down as Ozpin handed out cards.

"At the start of each round, someone picks up a black card. They read it out and everyone else plays a white card. Whoever's card impresses the Czar the most wins that round. Everyone takes a new white card from the bundle and the next person reads a black card. Got it?" Ozpin explained.

"Yes." Everyone replied.

"Good. Then let's begin…" Ozpin said as he picked up a black card. "I can't believe a Grimm destroyed my blank."

Everyone looked at their cards. Raven tried to hold in a laugh, Pyrrha's face matched her hair and Salem's eyes were wide in shock.

"When you are ready, read out your cards." Ozpin said.

Pyrrha gulped. "I can't believe a Grimm destroyed my… Giant horse co-"

"That's marvellous Pyrrha!" Ozpin shouted cutting Pyrrha off in time.

"Thank you…" Pyrrha said with a sigh of relief.

"Salem? Raven?" Ozpin asked.

Salem read her card. "I can't believe a Grimm destroyed my Pornography collection." Salem burrowed her face in her hands.

"Ha! I knew it!" Ozpin said smugly.

"Oh shut up!" Salem snapped as she glared at Ozpin.

Raven read her card. "I can't believe a Grimm destroyed my…" Raven started giggling. "Beacon Academy."

"What!?" Ozpin shouted in horror.

Salem and Pyrrha started laughing.

"Sorry, Oz." Raven said as she winked at Ozpin.

"So who 'impressed' you the most, Professor?" Pyrrha asked still laughing.

Ozpin paused to think. "…Raven…" He said begrudgingly.

"Yes!" Raven said quietly pumped her fist in the air.

"I guess that makes you the Czar now." Ozpin said looking slightly annoyed after Raven's card.

Raven picked up a black card. "Aura is a manifestation of blank. Impress me" Raven ordered.

Ozpin, Pyrrha and Salem took a moment to pick their cards.

Pyrrha read her card out first. "Aura is a manifestation of The Atlas military's secret robots." She paused. Pyrrha was having flashbacks of her fight with Penny.

"Ok… While she's having her PTSD trip… Aura is a manifestation of your face." Salem said holding in a giggle.

"Childish…" Ozpin muttered.

"We're playing Cards Against Humanity! What did you expect?" Salem said.

"Touché." Ozpin replied.

"Please read out you card, Ozpin." Raven said.

"Aura is a manifestation of CENSORED." Ozpin said with a smirk.

"What is wrong with you!?" Raven screamed at Ozpin.

"I thought I was the evil one!" Salem shouted in utter disgust.

Pyrrha had snapped out of her flashback. "You are a horrible human being!" She shouted at Ozpin.

Ozpin just sat there and took in all of the hate being aimed at him. It was as if he thrived on it. He had played this game many times before.

"As horrible and disgusting as it was… I have to give it to Ozpin." Raven said sounding slightly impressed.

"Of course you do." Ozpin replied with the biggest grin on his face. "Now then! On to round three!"

Many cards were played. Tears were shed, friendships were ruined and made up, feelings were hurt and innocence was destroyed. That's what Cards Against Humanity does to people. And our heroes found out the hard way…

"Next point wins the game!" Pyrrha shouted. "The one class they don't teach at Beacon is blank."

"I have the perfect card!" Raven said excitedly.

"You wanna bet on that?" Salem replied.

"You're both on." Ozpin exclaimed.

"Read your cards… Now." Pyrrha said.

Ozpin went first. "The one class they don't teach at Beacon is using your pet as a weapon."

"Not bad." Salem said. "But it's nothing compared to this…. The one class they don't teach at Beacon is Grimm mating season." Salem said smugly.

"Dammit…" Ozpin said under his breath.

Raven merely smiled and said "The one class they don't teach at Beacon is Sex Education."

"Raven wins!" Pyrrha exclaimed quickly.

Raven jumped up onto her feet. "Boom!" she shouted as she put her mask on. "Raven wins! You all lose!" She said as she opened a portal. "And I am outta here! Peace out!" She walked through the portal which closed behind her.

"Nice of her to drop by..." Salem said looking a bit confused. "So now what?"

"We find a new game." Pyrrha said with a smile.

"That's the spirit, Pyrrha!" Ozpin said as he walked up to his case. "How about something a bit more simple…"

"Anything in mind?" Salem asked.

"I've got it!" Ozpin shouted in delight. He turned around and was holding a flat box. "King Taijitu and Ladders!"

Salem and Pyrrha looked at eachother and shrugged.

"What's the worst that could happen?" Pyrrha asked hypothetically.

Next time: Snakes/King Taijitu and Ladders…


	5. King Taijitu and Ladders

As Ozpin set up the King Taijitu and Ladders board, he looked up to see Salem and Pyrrha chatting away with each other. He smiled and continued setting up.

"Why would you want to destroy Remnant? We were in a time of peace!" Pyrrha said to Salem with a concerned look.

"It's nothing against Remnant… I'm doing it because of him." Salem said as she pointed at Ozpin.

Ozpin tried to ignore Salem by humming to himself.

"What he did to me all those years ago… It can't be forgiven. I will destroy everything he loves and watch his world burn." Salem said with a devilish grin.

Pyrrha's face went blank. "So… You're doing this just to spite him?"

Salem paused to think. "Well… When you put it like that…" She looked down awkwardly, trying not to make eye contact with Pyrrha.

Pyrrha sighed in annoyance and clenched her fist. "Oum give me strength…" She muttered to herself as she walked away from Salem and over to Ozpin.

Ozpin waited eagerly at the board. "Ah. Finished your little gossip session, ladies?"

"Bite me." Salem snapped as she sat down next to the game.

"You two are like children, honestly." Pyrrha noted as she also sat down.

Ozpin and Salem looked at Pyrrha then back at each other.

"Well… He starts it most of the time!" Salem said while glaring at Ozpin.

"I do not!" Ozpin replied.

"Yes you do!" Salem snapped.

"Don't." Ozpin said with a smirk.

"DO!" Salem shouted, now getting angrier.

"Hmmm… No I don't." Ozpin was now winding Salem up.

"YES YOU DO, YOU STUPID SON OF A-"

"ENOUGH!" Pyrrha screamed, cutting off Salem. "You two are the most immature adults I have EVER met! Always bickering, teasing and getting on each other's and my nerves! Now can we just start the game without anyone else argueing!?"

There was a long, awkward pause for about a minute.

"…Yes…" Ozpin and Salem both said in unison.

"Good." Pyrrha said with a smug smile.

Ozpin sighed. "Ok… Simple enough rules. You roll and try to reach square 100. You land on a King Taijitu? Move down it. You land on a ladder? Move up it. Is that clear?"

Pyrrha and Salem both nodded.

"Excellent. Pyrrha? Youngest first." Ozpin said as he handed Pyrrha the dice.

"Oldest mentally…" Pyrrha muttered to herself as she took the dice. She rolled them and got a 9. "Oh. Wonderful!" She exclaimed as she moved her piece up 9 spaces. She passed the dice to Salem.

"Come on! Come on! Big numbers!" Salem rolled the dice only to receive a three. "DAMMI- Oh? Ohoho! Brilliant!" Salem had landed on a ladder. She placed her piece over the ladder. Salem stared at Ozpin with a grin as she moved her piece up the ladder and on to space 51. "Suck it, old man!"

Ozpin merely rolled his eyes and took the dice. He rolled and received a ten. "Nice." He said as he moved past Pyrrha on the board.

"Aw…" Pyrrha frowned. She picked up the dice and rolled a two, also landing on a ladder. "YES!" Pyrrha exclaimed happily as she moved her piece up the Ladder and on to space 70.

"What!? How!?" Ozpin asked in disbelief.

"Luck of the dice, Ozzy." Salem winked as she rolled the dice to receive a five. She moved to space 56.

"Oh really?" Ozpin swiftly rolled and received a 12. "There's your luck! Double turn!" He shouted as he moved his piece to space 22. "Luck is finally coming my way!" Ozpin exclaimed happily. He rolled the dice and received a three. Ozpin's smile melted. He had just landed on a King Taijitu.

"Pfffffff HAHAHAHAHA!" Salem began laughing hysterically, rolling onto her back on the ground. "Such luck, you old fool! HAHAHAHA!"

Pyrrha couldn't help but giggle too. The timing of all this was just too perfect.

Ozpin sat there, looking at his piece on the snake head. His eye twitched as he moved down back to space five.

Pyrrha, seeing that Oz wasn't moving anytime soon, picked up the dice and rolled, receiving a seven and moving herself to space 77. She smiled and handed the dice over to Salem who was still laughing uncontrollably at Ozpin's misery.

"Oh… Oh my stomach… Ahem Sorry." Salem said as she sat up and grabbed the dice from Pyrrha. She rolled and received a 12. Salem moved her piece and suddenly realised she had landed on a ladder. Her face lit up. "YES! LADDER TIME!" Salem moved up it, putting her on space 95.

"Double turn, Salem. You got two sixes." Pyrrha smiled.

"Gasp You're right!" Salem rolled the dice again, this time receiving a five. Salem moved to space 100, winning the game. Salem jumped up in the air. "YES! SALEM WINS! SALEM WINS! EVERYONE ELSE BURNS! NO VICTORY IN STRENGTH, OZ! NONE FOR YOU!" Salem exclaimed loudly while pointing at Oz.

Meanwhile, Ozpin was holding the dice. He was still on space five.

"Um… Professor? Are you going to roll?" Pyrrha asked as Salem celebrated in the background.

Ozpin sighed. "I suppose I should, shouldn't I?" He said as he rolled the dice, receiving a two and moving to space seven.

Pyrrha looked on as Oz played the game, clearly angry at his bad luck. She picked up the dice without saying a word and rolled a nine. She moved to space 86.

"FASTEST WIN IN HISTORY! SALEM WINS!" Salem continued cheering for herself as Ozpin and Pyrrha continued playing.

Ozpin's eye twitched. The mix of having bad luck and Salem actually beating him was too much.

Pyrrha tapped Ozpin's shoulder. "Professor? Are you o-"

Suddenly, Ozpin leapt up and started stomping on the board. "AH! AH! AH!" He screamed with every stomp. Oz then picked up the board and snapped it over his knee. He then threw it off the cliff and stormed away in a huff.

Pyrrha and Salem sat there in stunned silence.

Pyrrha looked at Salem. "Will he be ok?"

"Oh don't worry about him. He's just salty." Salem smirked. "Now then… What else do we have here?" Salem asked as she started searching through the case of games.

Pyrrha watched on curiously to see what would be pulled out next.

Salem stood there motionless. "Pyrrha. I hope you brought a change of clothes." As Salem turned around, she held in her hand a box labelled… Twister.


End file.
